Again, Sadly, No! is smarter than everyone else.

It’s time for the Democrats to call the GOP’s bluff. They have to hammer the SOBs and tell them that they had a deal all set before John McCain and his big fucking ego decided to ride in on his white horse and fuck everything up. They cannot allow themselves to be used as pawns to get John McCain elected.

Democrats, give them the finger and walk away until they meet your demands. And then go on television every day and loudly blame for the coming stock market crash. Crush them and don’t stop crushing them until you’ve won.

I swear to god, I will lose all faith in this country if we get railroaded on this bailout, and let me not even speak of anyone who still thinks Sarah Palin should get within 1000 yards of executive office.

For fucks sake.

You know what’s worse than commercials with talking animals?

Commercials with fucking kids dressed up and acting like adults.

To everyone involved with all such commercials : Please stop. Stop now and never, ever, ever have anything to do with advertising again. I mean you, executive who hired the ad agency, and you director, writer, and cameraman. And, yes, even you, poor witless child actors. Just quit now, and stay off of my television.

I hate you.

Wooden door frames don’t keep you very safe. I acidentally locked myself out of my bedroom…

I didn’t even kick it very hard.

Are you fucking kidding me with this CBS?

I understand how hard it is to come up with new ideas, but ganking “Psych” (which is *awesome* no matter what Miss IL thinks) and making it a bit more “hardcore” is just lame.

And the name is even fucking stupider. “The Mentalist” sounds like a good ironic moniker for your favorite imbecile. So, actually, good job I guess. I’ll readily apply it to all the people responsible for this show.

Fucking Mentalists.

Mine’s cost me about $1000 in the past two weeks.

Beyond their expense though, I hate their noise and their traffic and their pollution and most of all the fact that they are why I don’t have trains.

Fuck them. Fuck cars so, so, so very much.

Just posted this directly from my iPhone! Ain’t technology grand?

r : you could ride with your cousin if she drives
(and offers)
k : yeah, i need to talk to her
r : she still in cabo?
k : what?
k : who’s in cabo?
r : Meagan
k : she is?
how the fuck do you know more about my family than i do?
r : (so says her status message on facebook)
k : oh, ugh.
r : haha
k : i hate the world
r : thats awesome
except not for you
want to try her mobile phone #?
xxx-xxx-xxxx
k : nice
sigh. apparently i have to sign up for fucking facebook now
and twitter
and get twinkle on my iPhone so i can post when i’m eating a burrito
r : hahaha
yes, apparently
i love the thought of being forced to sign up for facebook
k : oh, me too
i’m loving it right now

I stand defeated.

You can find me on facebook now, and twitter (http://twitter.com/kbenton).

Sigh.

Seriously, this is the awesome :

So awesome.

This channel has a video about each element on the periodic table.

With help from some clever chemists, I’ve done all 118, but I’m not stopping here.

Now I’m updating and improving all the videos with new stories, better samples and bigger experiments.

The dude’s mad scientist fro is the best ever. Ever.

I have a fucking Dave Mathews Band song stuck in my head and I CAN NOT get it out.

If In Flames doesn’t work, I may have to take up the trepanation.

Fuck!

I’m not purposefully singling out Atlanta here: the baggage claiming situation in US airports is completely absurd. In Japan, where people rarely steal others’ property anyway, they make you match your baggage claim ticket with the one on the bag. That it remains a free-for-all stateside blows my mind.

Stuff getting stolen at ATL airport

Open letter to Apple.

This morning, I was disgusted to find the news riddled with a report that Apple is misogynistic. As a woman, I find it repulsive that you are encouraging a bias against my taloned sisters. For centuries women have been conditioned to embrace the least conducive ways of living as a method to render us useless. The most useless among us win the best mates and the distinction of success.

We are, at our core, property. The more unnatural our bodies, the more assured of our position we become. Nail modification is a realistic place to start. Not only is it affordable but it, with practice, can become one of the first things noticeable about our bodies. Having acrylic so long that one cannot grasp a can of beer without puncturing it creates an aura of helplessness that traps many a hapless male. It is the start of a cycle that renders us the most illustrious of possessions. And as living property, we must be afforded the best of everything.

The iPhone, if I must descend to reveal, is certainly one of the most sought after little pastimes. It is a mark of appeal and of elitism. One must beg the question why it and women aren’t made for each other. For it to make nails a handicap is unforgivable. How dare you try to damage this time honored practice of female inferiority by creating a phone that cannot respond to our acrylic glory.

Fuck you Apple, and your little phone too.

“The modern conservative is engaged in one of man’s oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.”

–John Kenneth Galbraith

So, I sold my copy of Grand Theft Auto IV today.

Multiplayer was a big draw for me, but sadly turned out to be the worst example of what that mode of play has to offer. It’s not Rockstar’s fault really, but the inundation — which I should have predicted — of the service by Mountain DewVault guzzling, foul-mouthed, homophobic 14-year-olds ruins whatever social fun might be had. The goal-oriented modes all devolved immediately into free-for-all deathmatch (which is it’s own mode, of course, rendered redundant by the players). It’s too bad, because the platform and the environments are ripe for a really fun game.

Call of Duty, for example, has fun, hyper-realistic, but small environments. Given players with similar, team-oriented mentalities, in the admittedly less gritty, but massively more open environment of Liberty City’s Algonquin, I can imagine spending hours hunting down a team of gangsters, getting sniped at, evading police, etc. Instead I get run down before I even have a gun by a pre-pubescent douchnozzle yelling “FAAAGGGGggggggggg” out the window of his virtual NSX.

Awesome.

It’s as if someone put up a big chalkboard for anyone to draw on… a few people would try to come up with something cool and fun, but the rest would be scrawling epithets and poorly drawn cock and balls all over your attempt. No thanks.

As for single player, it’s the almost same as it always was with improved graphics, and unquestionably a remarkable rendering of New York City. But that “almost” carries a lot in it. I was immediately turned off by the asinine “friendship” tasks you kept getting bothered with. It’s like if your mom calls while you’re playing a game… so you pause and talk to her about whatever, and it’s a short call, but you’re annoyed and just want to get back to it on some level. It’s like that but THE GAME IS DOING IT TO YOU. I don’t want to spend my limited gaming hours playing fucking virtual bowling with some virtual “friend”, or if I did, I’d play Wii Bowling which actually does it well. I’m sure most of that can be ignored, but without knowing for sure, I had this nagging feeling that I wasn’t *really* playing the game. It kept feeling like I was doing work, of which I have quite enough, thanks much R*.

There was another issue which I didn’t even really see clearly until watching Yahtzee’s review of the game, but he hits it spot on (as he usually does)… the game takes itself too seriously. There’s no tongue in cheek, no satire or caricature, and frankly the game is considerably lessened by it’s absence. The only genuinely fun moment I had while playing was when I unlocked the “Hot Chocolate” achievement, and that was just because it was a bit of a surprise and a nice fuck you to the moralizing bastards that got so up in arms about San Andreas’ “Hot Coffee” sex scene.

So fuck it. I can spend my time better. Hopefully the Utahian (Utahn? Utaher? WTF?) I sent it to this morning will feel like he got his $40 worth out of it.

this is a great compendium of comics dealing with the douchebaggery of hecklers: